Remember to Just Breathe, Momma
Yesterday I had one of those days where my spirit felt heavy. Everything seemed more cumbersome than usual. I was sharp and short with my responses. I apologized for it more than once. My mind felt like a spinning top, racing in the fog I couldn't make sense of what it was trying to say.
I am not sure why I felt this way. Maybe it's because the sun was hidden behind a sea of gray clouds. Maybe it's because the full moon is only a couple days away. Perhaps, it's my womanly time of the month or my body's way of being tired of listening to my daughter's favorite video character. (Oh, how his voice scrapes at my ear drums).
My heart was discouraged as I felt our quality family time falling to the wayside. Each of us, entranced into our screens like mindless zombies. I looked at us and felt miserable. This isn't what I wanted for us.
Maybe I was over reacting and this is really just my issue. See, at the same time I was hurting, they weren't. In fact, I know that my daughter was enjoying what she was watching. She laughed more times yesterday at those videos than I have ever heard her laugh at any other thing she has watched, or participated in. She was creating while watching and was proud of what she had created. How can that be bad?
I know my husband enjoyed the break of pretending to be the voices of Munchkin's stuffed animals for hours on end, as he often is. His work days tend to exceed 12 hours, as he starts at 3am. The work he does it very meticulous requiring long periods of extreme focus. I know he is mental and physically exhausted. I know he has been working with colleagues across the globe all day and finds solitude in little interaction when he gets home. He needs that "veg-out" screen time to regain his sanity.
So, there I was. Needing my family and them, at that moment, not needing me. (Sigh)
After dinner, I took our dog for a walk. The air was cool and our neighborhood was quite quiet on such a cool day. My headed throbbed from the tension it felt. My eye lids felt heavier than usual. The pounding across my forehead reinforced the dull ache of blah I was feeling. Suddenly, I remembered something. It was as if the mental tornado rampaging through my mind had thrown this thought out like a piece of flying debris.
It said: JUST BREATHE
So I did. I stopped in the street with my trusty four legged companion by my side and breathed. I closed my eyes and took in a huge deep breath. Slowly I released. I did this a few times and took notice of what was around me. The cool air in my face. The birds singing happy tunes as they danced from housetop to tree top. Children playing in the distance. A car door closed as a women unloaded her groceries. The soft rumble of a truck that rolled by.
When I opened my eyes, I felt lighter. I felt better. I remembered it's okay to just breathe and be.
Momma, you will have days where the world seems heavy and cumbersome. You will have days when insecurities will creep in and self doubt will dominate your spirit. You will be tired or stressed from the constant pressures of being a Mom. There will be moments where you will want to run and hide. But, Momma; just breathe. Breathe deep. Be still. Just Be.
This moment will pass. The sun will come back out. The moon will shift. Your spirit will raise. I promise. I believe these moments are a test of faith and spirits. It seems hard in the moment, but this is a test I know that you will overcome and pass with flying colors.