Is it Can't or Won't when it comes to being an Empowered Parent?

  • 14 March 2016
  • Kristi
The choice to help your special needs child thrive is yours. You have to decide to do the work

A few weeks ago I was in a conversation with several other Moms about a local child home who takes in kids that have "failed" in the foster system because the parents can't or won't work with their issues. Immediately after that was said, I chimed in with, "It's won't. It's not can't."  Several of the other ladies stopped to look at me, as I am sure they could see that I was really passionate about this. Another Mom proceeded to explain that some parents won't help because they don't know how. <<-- Whoa! Say Wait?

At this point I was hot under the collar. I got news for you, being an empowered parent is a choice and the foster parents who give up on these kids simply chose that they WON'T do the work to help them. It's not about can't. Can't is a state of mind because we don't know how to do something. We are ignorant in our understanding. But we can learn. Oh, trust me, there were many,many, many times I thought about quitting. Many times that I felt that I can't do this. I get it. Raising our kids with their special needs is NOT easy. Yet, if you set out to learn how to understand what's going on with your child and learn the techniques to help them, then you improve yourself, your child's life, and your overall life. Period.

If your perspective is that you WON'T help, well than that is completely different. Won't is a state of mind that indicates that you have made a conscious decision to not do something. The fact that you may or may not have the knowledge to do something doesn't matter. It's a choice. How as a parent, foster, step, or otherwise can you look at a child who is struggling and choose to do nothing?!

Granted, I believe that there are real circumstances, such as where the safety of the individuals is comprised that call for more extreme measures. But aside from that, you have a choice to help or not. I am not going to sugar coat it. It does take work on your part. A lot of work. I know that if you are willing to do the work, you'll grow in ways you never thought, and you will have had a HUGE positive impact on your child's future. You will have chosen to reject won't. You'll have chosen not to accept can't. And you will have chosen to be empowered over being helpless. <<--Now that's a choice I live with.  

What do you think? Am I being overly critically in my assessment? Tell me in the comments below.


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